1st time home sick

first time i wanna run away from here and just go home.
dun really think i am capable in managing this races problem here.
but somehow i wanna calm myself down and try to talk to myself.
that guy is not even part of the family now, and everyone know he is just pitiful old fool. so why shd i bother.
but its just not easy to keep positive in this case,  cos i know its not the last time such thing gonna happen. and not the last time i meet this guy.
i am so screwed.
its not like i am the most stupid and worst person in the world. at least i didnt feel in that way for the last 27 years in Hong Kong. but i feel like a complete idiot here.
and then in the middle of the night and in the middle of the forest, i dont know who to talk to.
so tonight i choose to keep my mouth shut and try to live with it. its not like i can do it, but i try. its not really possible to run away from here anyways.